I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
