Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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