I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
