I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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