it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
