My liver just broke up with me...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
