If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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