so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
