I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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