he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
