he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
