i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
