i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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