you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
