my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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