So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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