My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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