I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
