It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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