I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My balls are so social today.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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