So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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