Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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