did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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