I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
