Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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