Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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