Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
