I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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