ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
