can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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