you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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