You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
