There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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