i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
