During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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