My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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