You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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