You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
