I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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