if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
