guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
