Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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