road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
