My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
