yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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