Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
