She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
