It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
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Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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