Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
