Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
