I think im going to throw up on grandma
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
