Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
