He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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