Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My feet surprised me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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