I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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