so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
