Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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