I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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