TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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