The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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