I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
