is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
