i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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