Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
