You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
