And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
