It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
